17 August 2011

Truest Truth

It's been a very long time since I had the courage to write anything truly personal here. As I've hinted at before, this year has been an achingly difficult one, and I have had to endure some incredibly difficult situations that have ripped open excruciatingly painful wounds from the past, particularly from my childhood. The truth of it all is that I can't – even for myself – find the words to express or sort through the emotional responses to this year.

I hope one day to be able to share without reservation my experiences in order to help those in similar circumstances, but today the pain is too raw and close, and words fail me. (Update: I have told my story here.)

We all have been in the midst of difficult situations – every last one of us. We are human, after all, and life is made of challenges to be overcome. Along the way we learn things, messages introduced when battling obstacles. In good moments, we tell ourselves that we are strong and resilient; in moments of fear or disappointment we whisper negative things to ourselves, words like "failure" and "incompetent". And the funny thing is that, the longer we tell ourselves these unhappy things, the more firmly we come to believe it, regardless of whether or not it was ever true.

What have you been telling yourself, love? On my worst days, I find myself believing that I am stupid, unappreciated, invisible, and completely alone. I have felt guilty and angry and ashamed and unloveable. And I have cried many, many tears.

The reason I'm sharing this today is that I believe I am not alone in this inner struggle. This world can be harsh sometimes, and, I think, often leads us to think that if we are not perfect – if we are not skinny, tall, tan, young, brown-eyed, blue-eyed, or green-eyed enough; if we can't paint like Rembrandt or van Gogh; if we aren't that blogger who posts every other day with stories from an impossibly perfect life; if we don't have smooth, glowing skin; if we can't find love; if we have bad hair days; if we have troubles and concerns and worries – if we aren't perfect enough, then we're not good enough.

If you, sweet reader, have been struggling silently with these doubts about your own worth, I have a message for you, one that is far greater than any negative whisper you have ever told yourself. This message doesn't come from me, but from all the love that makes up this beautiful Universe, something eternal and ever present, something that speaks only truth. It's a message just for you, darling.

You are loved.

You – sweet, strong, kind, creative you – are perfect.
You are good, and whole, and you are on the right path.

You are enough.

And all the love that makes up everything, the love that coaxes flower petals from tight buds, that makes the stars twinkle and the cicadas sing, that brings hope and joy and comfort to people around the globe, this love is enveloping you, holding you tightly in a big bear hug and filling you up with happiness and peace. It is holding you, now and always.

Breathe it in, beautiful. Trust it.
Everything is going to be alright.


Margrethe said...

I needed this today. Thank you :)

Nolwenn said...

Thank you for posting this.
It resonates a lot in me as I am about to write a blogpost about quite the same issues. Words are being stuck in my throat, I go backward and do no write it. But I know it has to be shared.
Thank you.
You are loved, Sunshine. Deeply. Loved.

indie grrrl said...

YOU are one of the kindest sweetest people I have met online. You have brought sunshine to my day, when it has been dark and grey! You are upbeat and caring and are one super talented artist. I appreciate you so much in my Universe! If ever you need someone to talk/email, I want you to know I am here for you. I think I wont be alone. <3 girlfriend!

MissKoolAid said...

Oh yes, I've had those dark moments. Last winter was the worse. To the point where my doctor prescribed antidepressants and took me off work for a few months. I'm better now but I still get greyish days even with the meds. So, yeah... you're not alone. You're never alone. Be strong.

Dyche Designs said...

I've been going through a dark time healthwise, your post was the perfect tonic today. Sending you big hugs across the miles.

Rhiannon said...

Ingrid, you are one of the most beautiful people I have ever met. Your message is something that people never think or say enough, to themselves or to other people. The last year for me has been a big stuggle too and it has taken a lot out of me. The issue itself is still very raw and something that I don't try to forget, but instead find ways to deal with it and come to terms with it. I'm sending you a massive big virtual hug to you xoxoxoxox

Erica said...

Breathe it in, beautiful. Trust it.
Everything is going to be alright.

This could not have come at a better time for me Dear Ingrid. As you know I've been going through a lot the past few days and I've been filled with confusion and insecurities. Thank you for caring, thank you for this blog post. It has a few reminders that I needed.

Natty said...

Oh Ingrid! You and your words are so warm, kind, and hopeful. I wish I heard these words last year and the year before when I was in my darkest times. I still appreciate these words, and I'm happy to know that there are wonderful, lovely people like you out there. You're so amazing.

Becky Massa said...

So lovely...I had to share on my blog:
Thank you so much for sharing this, Ingrid. I needed to hear this. We ALL need to hear this. BTW, I think you are perfect, too. Cyber hugs for you (((((Ingrid)))). -Becky

Kimia Kline said...

what a beautiful post. and thank you so much for your sweet comments about my paintings :) i was so happy to find your blog.

Romantic Heroine said...

you are so beautiful and inspiring! I'am so glad to know you! You and your blog initiated that i changed my view on the world. thank you, ingrid!

Delhibound said...

Such truth and beauty. Gorgeous, ingrid!

Brandi {not your average ordinary} said...

You are definitely not alone, Ingrid. I know how hard our inner struggles can be and how difficult it is to share how you feel. I'm sending you lots of love and light. You are a shining sun.

gypsy said...

Ingrid, Your sunshine and light are unique in the world, and I hope you know that your words, art and images bring happiness to those around you. I wish there was a magic fix for your pain. Life is not easy, but we must keep moving forward. {{{hugs}}}


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