25 June 2014

Growing Pains

“How strange that the nature of life is change, yet the nature of human beings is to resist change. And how ironic that the difficult times we fear might ruin us are the very ones that can break us open and help us blossom into who we were meant to be."
- Elizabeth Lesser

Eleven days ago, I put the last of my things in a five-by-ten foot storage unit, hopped on a train with nothing but a suitcase full of clothes, and landed on the doorstep of one of my oldest friends in a big city I used to call home. I feel like a nomad. And while part of me loves the possibilities that stretch before me, there is a big part of me that is paralyzed by the enormity of change: after all, I did quit my job, say goodbye to my mama, forever leave behind a beautiful farm that has been my home for the past four years, and leap into uncertainty, all within a week.

After a particularly overwhelming day of job-hunting, I found myself at an arts supply store. My entire art supply collection is packed neatly in boxes in that storage unit, several hours away; not yet knowing where I'll be in the next months, I wanted to travel light. But on the verge of tears and with tension building in my shoulders, I felt that could either spend a night sobbing and eating Ben & Jerry's out of the container or allow myself the tools to play in my art journal for the first time in months.

I bought five tubes of paint – the primaries, black, and white –, a paint brush, glue stick, and a few Caran D'ache watersoluable pastels* that I've been eyeing for some time. Then, I created this art journal page.

The symbolism that appeared without any conscious effort on my part is both surprising and appropriate. After creating the background – which could represent the green of the farm of the home I left –, I added big blocks of black paint, a nod to the efforts of city authorities to erase graffiti by painting over it. Black represents the unknown and mourning, as well as potential and possibility (think "clean slate"), according to this site, a favorite for symbol interpretation. After adding the pink and white, my friend pointed out that the shapes on the left page create a pixelized version of the Monopoly man with a top hat and monocle; very apt, as I am unemployed and worried about finances. There are elements of travel in this spread, too.

These pages captures it all: I am mourning what has been and cautiously looking forward to whatever is to come, all the while repeating positive affirmations to bolster my spirit. I so love how art both soothes the soul and reveals it.

More soon, sweet souls.

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1 comment:

Erica said...

I lovelovelove the last picture close up. :)


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